Learning From Negative Experience

‘Life half sucks and half rocks’ is a concept that I’ve introduced in my coaching sessions with leaders, as well as in my ‘Leadership Live’ broadcasts on social media. The concept describes the idea that life presents duplexity in its circumstances or situations and things that we have no control over, half of which are downright awful and half of which are just super duper amazing.

Unfortunately, many of us believe that our life’s purpose is to be happy. This expectation does not fare well for us when we are faced with the circumstances that “half sucks” and the negative emotions that arise from them.

The novel COVID-19 pandemic has served as a timely confirmation that adversity in life is inevitable and it is within our best interest to gain the emotional intelligence and build the capacity within us to see these situations as opportunities for learning.

 Here’s how we can take control of our outcomes during times that suck:

• Feel the Feelings

Rather than going into denial or anesthetizing ourselves to adverse events in our lives, we should allow ourselves to fully experience our emotions and acknowledge and name them. This is the way you create capacity within you to grow.  When we stifle negative emotions, we delay their passing, we avoid situations where we could possibly experience them and risk our mental health in the process.

• Start the Process of Inquiry

It is only when we are aware of what we are feeling that we can start the process of inquiry. Circumstances don’t cause our feelings; it is our thinking about the circumstances or other people that cause our feelings and these feelings cause us to act or behave in a particular way.

Some questions to consider asking yourself when inquiring into your thoughts:

- How true is this thought that I am having?

- Is the opposite thought as true or truer?

- Who do I want to be as I experience this challenge?

- How do I want to show up as I experience this challenge?

• Be Willing to be Uncomfortable

We learn and grow from challenging situations and being willing to be uncomfortable is the way to still meet and exceed our goals especially when times suck. I have discovered that the brain doesn’t know the difference between what’s real or imagined, so I think of the worst thing that could happen and allow myself to experience my feelings and then I forge ahead anyway.

How willing are you to be embarrassed, to fail, to be anxious, to be frightened, to be apprehensive etc? I am willing.

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Nadine Burrowes-Seaga is a Life & Leadership Coach and the Founder & Chief Energy Officer (CEO) of People Development Consultants.