Why Self-Worth is Critical to Successful Leadership?
Funny how many people never think that leaders have self-worth issues even when interacting with a leader with self-worth issues. That’s probably because they mask it so well behind boisterous behaviours; having the loudest voice in the office, intimidating behaviours; being a micro-manager or being controlling and taking credit for other people’s ideas, or being timid; being a people pleaser.
Many leaders struggle with low self-worth, resulting in feelings of insecurities and lack of confidence. The big challenge for many leaders is being willing to seek help.
What is Self-worth?
Self-worth is understanding yourself, accepting yourself, feeling good about yourself, seeing yourself as important and loving yourself exactly as you are, without any influence from outside of you.
Self-worth is at the core of all our thoughts feelings and actions. It’s these thoughts and feelings about ourselves and our actions towards ourselves that demonstrate our self-worth.
It is wrapped up in a knowing that as a human being, without doing anything at all, you are worthy.
It has no relation to any job, achievement, nor to any success or failure you experience.
Imagine that you’re someone who loves your car, you clean it every day, you check to make sure there are no dings on it, you park it out of the way so nobody can mistakenly hit it, you cover it every night and you make sure it’s well serviced and in tip top condition or imagine that you are someone who loves your plants, each day you water and talk to your plants, you give it the nutrients it needs when it needs it, you trim off the dead leaves, you mulch, you remove weeds etc. in both of these examples you are taking great care and showing love to the car in the first instance and the plants in the second instance
Self-worth is showing that same love, care and interest to yourself.
Sometimes we get confused into thinking and believing that we can only be worthy based on something external to us and therefore we use measuring sticks often based on status, money, how we look, how well we do academically, who we know, or what other people think about us.
Self-Worth is not Determined by Anything Outside of You.
Here are some measuring stick that leaders use to determine their self-worth.
1. How much friends you have.
What does it matter if you have 20 or 2 if when you need a friend, you can’t turn to them for help. The quality of the friendship is much more important.
2. The grades you get.
Sure A’s are nice to get. Having been around some A getters myself, it certainly doesn’t measure their integrity nor their dedication.
3. Your relationship status. I have changed my status quite a bit, from single to married to separated, on to divorced then to a live-in and back to married. All of them require effort and energy and all have their advantages and disadvantages but the most important work of all is the work I continue to do on myself and staying in love with myself, and truly appreciating my own self-worth. How I take care of myself, how I speak to myself and how compassionate I am to myself, that work continues to be the best gift I can give my husband and my children who I absolutely adore.
4. Your job.
So many people struggle with this because their job is a big part of their lives. Your job does not define who you are. Your job is what you do. You get to define who you are as a person… by saying it and then being it.
5. What You look like or how old you are.
Some of you believe that these outward appearances make a difference to your worth, remember my friends, changing what you don’t like about your appearance is available to you. I encourage you to do it for yourself and not for anybody else or to prove your worthiness.
6. How much money you earn?
Whether you are a millionaire, or a billionaire or you barely have any money in your wallet, none of that determines or reflect your worth as a person, as a human being. Sure, you can buy a lot of beautiful things and have amazing experiences based on what money can buy. But there are quite a few millionaires and billionaires who struggle with self-worth and I also know people who are living very meagrely and have a healthy self-worth, so it has nothing to do with money.
Why is Self-worth important?
It impacts how you show up in your life for yourself and for others. As a leader, It influences the decisions you make, and it determines even the choices you see available. When you have little self-worth or self-esteem, your level of consciousness is low and your judgement of yourself is high. When you have a healthy self-worth, your consciousness is high and your judgement of yourself is low.
Some note-worthy quotes on self-worth.
- You, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. Buddha
- A man can’t be comfortable without his approval. Mark Twain
- What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. Ralph Waldo Emerson
- Because one believes in oneself, one’s doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him/her. Lao Tzu
How does someone’s lack of self-worth show itself?
Let me count the ways…you show up in life, timid. You show up afraid of letting people down, you show up fearful of making mistakes, fearful of not doing “it” right. You show up inadequate, you don’t try to do very much, because you don’t think you know how. You show up feeling incompetent, you show up like someone unloved. You show up playing safe, doing what you’ve always done.
You can also show up angry, or very aggressive, lashing out at others and this sometimes comes from the fear of being found out(imposter syndrome). Other times you show up resentful and blaming everybody for the results you have in your life.
Some other signs include being overly sensitive to criticism, because it confirms what you already believe about yourself. Being withdrawn and uncomfortable around other people. Other worry a great deal because they see their situation as much bigger than it is.
How to build your self-worth?
1. Become aware that you are uniquely made, designed specifically to be born to your parents and to have the life experiences that you have. Know there is no other you. If you look the whole world over, under every rock and around every corner, you won’t find another you! There is just one You of YOU, AND most importantly, You, do You best!
2. Decide that today is the beginning of the rest of your life and today is the best day to start building your self-worth.
3. Hear what your Gremlin is saying. That voice in your head telling you in one way or another, that you are not enough, as if it knows you better than you. Everything it tells you is designed to keep you where you are, not to live to your fullest potential. Do one thing everyday to prove your Gremlin WRONG.
You will discover who you really are in this process. You will discover that what makes you worthy is everything that you already are. Your kindness, your determination, your thoughtfulness, your empathy, your trustworthiness, Your capacity for love.
I’m Nadine Seaga and I’m a Life & Leadership Coach, Founder & Chief Energy Officer (CEO) of People Development Consultants. I can help you to harness your full potential and the full potential of your most valuable asset! Check out my website here at pdconsults.com for more information or shoot me an email at nadine@pdconsults.com to connect and get started on this life-changing work.
